Sunday, July 10, 2011


I'm lost without him.
I don't know what's going on these past couple of days but I'm empty, I'm lost and it sucks.
I cry thinking about him, I cry looking at his picture, I cry touching his things, even his socks...yea his socks, I can't even put those away. I cry wondering if after all this time I should be making some kind of an improvement, I cry because I'm pretty positive I'll go insane without him.

Shit...I'm crying now just typing this. :(

I won't be around at all till maybe Tuesday sometime, so if you don't see your comments it's only because I'm not home to post them.
My oldest is having surgery Monday morning and the boys and I will be spending some time at her place.

"Peace", I've thought about you lately from time to time. I have no hate or hard feelings in my heart for you, we're human and we all make mistakes. God knows I've never been a saint. I hope you know that I am truly sorry for anything I ever said that was hateful.
I wish so badly you could have known him before he left us. He was an awesome man, fuck....he really was.

My back piece memorial to my Vinny is halfway there, as soon as it heals up some I'll post a picture. Typically my facebook will have all the latest pics first, just a little FYI.

Before I sign off till's a quick picture of Kody and his reptile pride and joy, Sid. This was taken yesterday.

KodySid 016 copy

Have a great day everyone..enjoy the ones you love and tell them you love them a lot.



tricia said...

thinking of you. wishing your oldest a speedy recovery

jbaj said...

I think of you so often Kim - I have followed Kody's story for years and I always go back to that "1 Year" post you wrote because that is where Karl really showed what was important. This sucks - so sorry.

Can't even imagine what you are going through but my heart aches for you.

Nancy(bratt) said...

I feel for you sweetie, and the pain you are enduring. I wish there was something I could say or do to make all the pain go away. I know you are missing Karl pretty bad these past days, and I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking and praying for you. I"m sorry :0(

Anonymous said...

Kim, I think of you all the time! Sorry it is another rough patch for you. I have no words to take the pain away!

Since you mentioned facebook, I am going to send you a friend request!

Kody Follwer
Olympia, WA

Anonymous said...

I've been following Kody for years and so glad that he is doing well! And yet, my heart breaks for you and your family. The strength you have shown, while still being honest and showing your vulnerability is amazing. I'd love to Facebook friend you, since I don;t seem to check blogs as often anymore. If you are comfortable doing so, friend me Michelle Roy-Miscichowski, I promise I am better about commenting there!


Alisa White said...

My heart aches for you also. I think of you all the time. My dad passed away 7 years ago, and my family is still grieving deeply for him, especially my mom. Like Karl, my dad was our family's best friend, our rock. Without him in our life, we feel lost. I think you learn to live with these feeling, but you will feel happiness again in things. But you will always have these moments of pain. You can't just stop feeling the loss of someone who was such a huge part of your life. You are loved by so many people; people who really care about you and your children. I'm always keeping you in my prayers, Kim.

Kevin said...

Kim, I too am sorry for all of the hurtful things that I have said over the years. I look back on it and realize how pointless it all was. You have to understand that growing up with Karl was not the most pleasurable thing to do. I took a lot of beatings from him when I was young.
Most of them because he was high or drunk. And I guess I always thought that one day I would pay him back for all of it. Or even when we got older and (wiser??) that maybe he would have apologized for it and that never came. Which in turn made me very angry and bitter towards him. I never hated Karl, I loved him, he was my brother. I just did not like him for the way that he was. I did not like what he did to us growing up and I did not like what he did to you and the girls when they were little. You and I know that Karl had a very nasty mean streak in him and it got worse as he drank and got high. Your right, I wish I could have known him when he got sober. I would have loved to have seen it. It breaks my heart knowing that he left this world without him and I ever being able to mend our fences. When I am alone with my thoughts I do think of him and I do brake down and cry.
How could not?. He was and always will be my brother. I do hope that you find peace in your life and that the boys do the right things in their lives to honor their father. I know he will be watching and I will too.

Anonymous said...

I lost my mom in 2007 and still feel the emptinest in my heart. Never let anyone tell you how to grieve or when you should 'be over it' because everyone is different and with the way you loved one another, it is understandable that you are lost. Hang in there Kim. The only thing that I can say is, that it gets really doesn't get better. I hang in there because she would want me to remember the good and let go of the loss. God bless.

Kim said...

With all my heart, thank you.
Your an awesome man with a beautiful family. For Karl and for me, tell them that you love them every single day, every phone call, all of the time.
We had to learn the hard way that it can be taken from us in the blink of an eye.
Have you dreamt of him? Has he left you anything to know that he's around? If you can, if you want me please.
Thank you again.
PS. If there is any way he can check out the blog {an d know your brother he'd find a way lol}, I know he's be real happy right now.

PPSS. Your right about the way he was, and it wasn't until he was sober one year till I actually found it in my own heart to forgive him. He'd beg my forgiveness every day, tears and all. Nobody in this world can ever light a candle to the man he had become. God, I miss him so bad. :(

Kim said... Sorry

Anonymous said...

No need to post but please know that I have been watching. Each note about a candle being lit for you and yours was me. There is no healing or valor in realizing that time was squandered time with people that you love. Thank you for the kind words for Kevin it will help him and I hope it will help you too!
Love Mollie

Nancy(bratt) said...

I have kept you on my mind for quite awhile now and every time I think of you and what you are going through I feel like I am going to lose it. I wanted to also to let you know to not let people tell you how long you should grieve. You are still living every day with the firsts. This will be the first halloween, and Thanksgiving without him. Your pain is still so raw and so new. You will probably hurt for a long long time because he was your soulmate. Dont ever let anyone tell you to stop crying. Or to tell you that you need to get over Karl, because that will never happen. INstead make sure you surround yourself with lovign family and friends and millions of supporters you have who come to the blog and read about you.
God bless all of you

Shiela in NY said...

*** SIGH ***

Kim, my heart always aches when I read posts like this one; however, you are COMPLETELY ALLOWED to have days or weeks like this. It's only been 7 months. Seven SHORT months that feel like an eternity. I wish we could all help you somehow but it takes time. Time and healing on YOUR time and schedule. The one thing that makes me smile through all of this is knowing how very, very close you and Karl were. Yes, you had rough patches (who doesn't) but when Karl passed you two were as close as ever. Perhaps it would be a tad easier if you were in the midst of a divorce or some crazy thing like that, but YOU WEREN'T. You were krazy, madly, in love with the man who stole your heart all those years ago. That, to me, is beautiful and HOPEFULLY is what helps carry you through rough patches like these. Sending love and (((HUGS))), sister friend.

Kim said...

Bless your heart, thank you. :)

Anonymous said...

KK - no need to thank me ever. We are family right, wrong or otherwise. In my thoughts always.


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