Wednesday, June 19, 2013


I've been spending most of my nights numb lately (another rough patch in my world of grieving has hit), trying to stay busy doing something.
Those are the days/nights I crave being alone, in my thoughts and memories.

So often I feel extreme guilt about loving another man and sadly I take it out on that other man an awful lot.
He drives a truck, so our time together isn't quite normal...10 to 34 hours here and there depending on his schedule is the best we get, but it's's good because it allows me that time I still need.
There are some days when my world is so crazy, 24 hours in a day just isn't enough time to get everything done, those are the days I wish he had a normal day or night job...but, truck driving is in his blood, he's been driving for over 10 years and he comes from a long line of truck drivers.
It's what Michael loves, and I would never let the selfish side of me take over and demand he stops. No...never, in fact one day I hope to start going on some small trips with him.
One day...when my life is free of the drama that often comes with lots of kids, teenagers and grieving.

I love that he's patient, hard working, funny, gentle, kind to everyone, honest and true.
He see's the good side of everyone and everything...he see's the best and the worst of me and he tells me he loves it, everything about me...even when I don't.
He makes me smile, he makes me laugh, and yeah...sometimes he makes me want to stomp off and scream. I guess that's normal, right?

What's probably not normal is looking at him across from the dinner table, or sitting on the couch watching TV and picturing Karl there instead. God, I have GOT to STOP doing this.
Is there anybody out there that can tell me this is normal or after 2 1/2 years I'm still qualifying myself to be a nutcase?

Anyway...being alone and numb at night, leads me into my own little comfort word of creating knitted stuff, crocheted stuff and cute shabby chic rag-tie banners that I love to use with backdrops.

Here's a few things from recently...

COwboy Set




Wishing you all the best day ever and a Happy Belated Dad's Day to all...including the single Mom's who take on both worlds. :)



Monday, June 3, 2013

Sorry if I'm boring you all with Madison pic's...but I think she's just too stinkin' cute not to share sometimes. :)

These were taken yesterday...

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I had the CRAZIEST thing happen a few days ago...
Call me crazy if you want but this is what happened.

AS most of you know, Karl and I share a lot of communication still to this day. Even in the spirit world he still lets me know not only is he alive and well, but he is always, always.

Case in point, I put this on FB on Friday, I just copied and pasted here so I wouldn't have to retype it...

"Yesterday, last night and today are days that I have been talking a lot to Vinny, I need his help bad with a couple of things...major things that only he knew how to fix.
Not as in broken appliance fixing but more like family fixing.
I'm at my wits end, my nerves are shot and being a single Mom, especially to teenagers is getting to be more then I can handle at this point.
So, that being said I asked for his help {they WILL help you, but you have to ask. The only time they can't is when that problem is a life lesson you were meant to overcome and learn from on your own...that's what I believe. Also, always say thank-you}

He sent me two red birds yesterday, but that's pretty typical.
I sold one of my knit baby sets which at this point in time is a blessing, believe me.

This morning I got the boys to school, got Adri to school, got Kayara to work and by the time I came home, brought the trash can in and walked Miko...I got in the house and had to use the restroom bad {coffee = what goes in has to come back out times ten}

No time to get myself upstairs so I opted for the quick way, the downstairs bathroom.
These past couple of days I have noticed an almost used up roll of TP on the floor to the right of the toilet and back towards the wall and I've been hoping that one of the kids would use some of their brain cells and pick it up for me.
Where its at would actually kill whats left of my back these days, and actually I kept meaning to say to them "Pick it up and put it in the holder}.
BTW, in that bathroom I don't use a wall holder, instead a tall rack kind of thing that holds about three rolls upright, so it have to be picked up and placed on top of the last roll standing.

Anyway, no big deal for the young bloods to do, however, like I back has been hurting like a b***h lately and I just couldn't twist and reach down like that.

So..mental note "tell the kids to do it for me and quit being so damn lazy".

Onward...I did my thing I saw that there was only a half roll in the holder and I decided let me go in the garage where the extras are stored and bring in a couple more rolls to restock.

The garage door is located right across the hall from the bathroom so it took me literally 5 seconds to open the door, grab 2 rolls and go back into that bathroom.

And...what do I see?
The roll that was sitting on the floor placed standing up straight right in that holder!!

BTW...Miko and I are the only ones here.

Spirits are funny like that...when you least expect it, expect it.
I know he heard my pleading for his help, and I know he's here...that's for sure"

Hope this brightened someones day today, and maybe got a few to believe?? :)




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