I don't know why but month seven has been HORRIBLE.
I cry my self to sleep every night.
Two nights ago I pulled out his hoodie, I had it in a sealed up tight Ziploc bag, hoping it would preserve his scent.
Oh, it did. I smelled him, it was him, exactly how he would come home smelling in the winter, always with that diesel man smell that only a mechanics wife would know.
I'd always, ALWAYS every night when he walked through that door put my head on his chest and hug him close. I'll never, if I live to be 100 forget the way he smelled and felt.
Anyway, yea...I pulled it out and put my face in that hoodie and he was there, but he wasn't "there" and it nearly killed me.
I cried and shook so hard I thought I might actually give myself a heart attack.
I didn't put it away though, not that night..I slept with it close. That "scent" is the closest thing I have to keeping him alive next to me.
Yesterday morning I had to admit, this is not something I can do myself. Maybe it is time to give grief counseling a try.
So, Monday morning I'll start making some calls, if I have time because Bear comes home in the morning, Kolin has football, Kody has black belt class, there is always too much to do. How I do it all in a day still baffles me sometimes. I was always used to the two parent drop off one, pick up the other,meet you at home for dinner routine.
I guess you gotta do what you gotta do, sucks but it's life.
My hat goes off to ALL the single parents of the world. I never realized what a major job you have. Whew....
I haven't taken any pictures, so here's a couple of happier times, taken 2 years ago.
To get this...
Every time I see his picture I am awestruck by how beautiful he really was. :)
Have a beautiful day everyone!!