Saturday, April 30, 2011

A Wedding

Today my lil' brother is getting married.
Why does it always sound so good when you send back the RSVP?
"Yes, we would love to attend...can't wait...sounds beautiful".
Then that damn reality smacks me right back in the face way too early this morning.
Happy couples, couples dancing, couple holding hands, couples eating dinner together, couples laughing.
See a pattern here?
I barely made it through the royal wedding yesterday and I was alone in my living room for that.

I seriously can't wait for April to be over. :(



Thursday, April 28, 2011

No Words Needed

The picture says it all. :(


*boys releasing their Dad to the ocean*


Sunday, April 24, 2011

Happy Easter

From all of us in the Kruppenbacher family...

We wish you all a very Happy and Blessed Easter.



Saturday, April 23, 2011

Almost Easter

Here we go again, another holiday.

Sometimes it almost doesn't seem real, it sure as heck never feels normal.
Four months yesterday he left us. Today I need to shop for Easter dinner for the first time ever without him.
I went and took the boys out for some pictures last night, he would have been there for that {he was always worried someone would try and steal the}.

Anyway, here we go again, another holiday to try and get through. Probably a good thing I will have a house full of family this year, keeping busy before the dreaded nighttime crash is always good.

Here's my baby boy, Kolin...


Not so much a baby anymore, he's about as tall as Kody now. :)

And here's Bear...


The two of them together, which in real life is common but in pictures where their not goofing, rare these days...


Someone once told me that I have to stop asking, begging and praying for him to stop coming around, that he will never "rest/cross over/be in peace/accomplish his new heavenly job" if I do.
I don't believe this at all.
I believe we are a part of his Heaven and letting us know that he is still here with us is just as important as any Heavenly job he has anyway.
Besides, the guy only ever truly rested when he was home anyway. :)

Have a great day everyone!!


Wednesday, April 20, 2011

The Ocean He Loved

A beautiful sunset for a beautiful husband & Daddy.


This was where we released some of Karl's ashes last night, back to the ocean that he loved so much.
I can honestly say with all my heart, it was bittersweet, heart breaking and so incredibly beautiful all at the same time.
I let the boys go first, I wanted to try and snap a quick picture, I wanted to remember that one quick second when they kissed their Dad good-bye and let him fly gracefully into the sea.
It was painful to watch, yet I knew I had to.

I went after they did, final moment, one final anniversary, one last kiss and with our wedding song playing in the background I released him into the water and into the sunset.
It was amazing, his ashes spread into the air and then landed in the water like sparkling diamonds. It was perfect, it was beautiful and it is a memory that I will keep in my heart forever.

My Vinny, he was with us yesterday, he was with me all day but he gave us a sure sign he was right there on the beach with us all day.

The boys had gone off and taken a walk out to the pier and I was was hanging around just chillin' on my beach chair, soaking in the sun and thoroughly loving the cool breeze. I had the radio on next to me and was thinking about him when I said out loud "Vinny, if you are here with me right now please baby let me know,leave me a song on teh radio if you could".
Don't you just know it, "Life is Beautiful" by Six AM came right on.
Now, you would have to know that he LOVED this song, I mean really really loved it. He would blast it every time it came on and months before he passed, he would tell all of us every single time that when he died he wanted that song played at his funeral.
Just so you know, it was played many times at his funeral. :)

When the boys came back I told them about it and Kolin and I left for a few minutes, Kody stayed behind. When we came back he was so happy because he asked his Dad the same thing and Metallica's "Master of Puppets" came on.
LOL..that was Kody and Karl's rock out song, they LOVED that song and would literally make the walls in our house shake when it was on.

As we were walking to our spot where we were going to release his ashes, Kolin found a four leafed clover.
Florida doesn't have four leafed clovers that we know of, we have been looking for 12 years and never found one. He did and it is safely pressed in between the pages of a book called "Never Say Good-Bye".

This morning I received yet another gift from him, I opened up my Facebook and I have tiny red hearts falling all over it. LOL, I just couldn't believe it, I never put hearts on there and nobody knows my password, I've checked with all my friends and nobody has hearts floating down on their FB.
Another sign from my true love? Yes, I do believe with all my heart.
I love that man so, so, so very much. :)

Have a beautiful day everyone.


Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Our 31st Anniversary

Happy Anniversary to the most beautiful, most loved man that ever walked this planet.

I love you so much Vin, a million times more then I did 31 years ago, more and more everyday.
I hope you can still feel that love, I will keep it in my heart forever.

Today, as my gift to us, the boys and I are heading out after school to our favorite beach.
At sunset we will be releasing some of your ashes into the ocean that you loved so much.
Then we're going to hit up Little Ceaser's for a "Hot & Ready Pepperoni Pizza", cuz we know you loved that too. :)
Stay with me today Baby. I miss you and I love you so much.
Faith...Hope & Love.
Forever yours, "Izzy"

Although I had gotten this in February, I thought today would be a great day to unveil it.
This was taken a few week after so it's healed but not 100% completely.
I will always carry "My Vinny" with me forever on the back of my right shoulder.


Karl/Vinny, he told me everyday many times a day that he loved me. I would give up my own life to hear those words again from him.
It is impossible for me, so as a tribute to our anniversary wouldn't it be great if everyone looked into the eyes of their spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend and said to them a simple and honest "I love you".
Those are three priceless words I can never hear again, but you can.
Do it for me, it for Vinny, as we all know, tomorrow is not a promise, don't let today get away. :)

Have a beautiful day everyone.


Saturday, April 16, 2011

Bunny Hat 4 Sale

Just putting this out there today, if anyone is interested.

Hat is a size NB-6 months.
I photographed this baby in it last weekend, she is 4 months old and smaller then an average 4 month old {she was a preemie}.
However, the hat will stretch to a 6 months.


It was worn for less then 5 minutes.

$15.00 {includes shipping}

Let me know.


Kody is at his Way of the Warrior martial arts training today, it's gonna be a busy all day event and since we won't be home till tonight, I'll wish you all a beautiful day.



Friday, April 15, 2011

Happy Birthday Kaysha

Happy 20th!!




Thursday, April 14, 2011


Bear's "official" JR. ROTC school photo...


Yesterday he earned his next higher rank, he is now a "Cadet Airman".

So, my diva of a granddaughter, Adriana...


who's 3 1/2 calls me today kind of upset.
Apparently she had a little "dream/visit" from her Grammpa last night. :)

First she told me that she was very sad because in her words "I should have never let Grammpa's hand go".

When I asked her what happened she said...

"Gramma I was running around outside under a rainbow and I saw Grammpa and he was holding my hand. He played with me and he told me that he loves me very much and that he is in a better place now with his other family but he will always be with me"

Yea, I was like "WOW".

Then I asked her what Grammpa looked like and her words were...

"He was beautiful he looked like a Prince".

That make me laugh a little.

So I asked her why she was so sad? And she said "Because I let go of his hand and he went away, I should have never let go".

Just a little girls dream of a Grammpa she misses dearly?
I don't think so. :)


Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Just To Remind Myself...

I don't want to forget this so I thought I'd just post it here, silly I know but that's me. :)

I was looking through the archives for some thing completely unrelated to My Vin, when for whatever reason I clicked on this past post....

From 2007

There goes that song again, he does it to me every time when I am not even expecting it, just to let me know he's there.
As if I couldn't figure that out when the out door side of the house where I was getting some sun this afternoon started smelling like his smoked chicken.
I wasn't the only one who smelled it, Kolin walked outside and said he smelled it too.
Can spirits cook in Heaven? Hmmmmm, yea I guess they can. :)



Monday, April 11, 2011

Saving The Best For Last

As I promised on this day, Karl's 55th {in our real time} birthday I wanted to give you all a glimpse into something that has truly turned my views on "After Death Communication".

On the night of February 11th, I clicked on to my Facebook, with really just the intention of maybe being on for a minute or two. I still wasn't into wanting to be around people, even people on the computer. I was grieving hard that day and just wanted to be alone so I really have no idea why I even went of FB in the first place.

Boy, I was about to find out why I was supposed to be on that night, quick.

I have a friend, her same is Sharon. We've been friends for many years. However, as things sometimes go our friendship mainly consisted of our kids going to the same school, her being a crossing guard at one of them and playing "catch up" with our lives and our families when we would see each other at the grocery store, school functions, things like that.

We never just hung out, went of to lunch, talked endlessly on the phone, never texted, nothing like that. But, we were friends. {still are of course}
Many times we even lost each others phone numbers, only to bump into each other and replace them again.

My friend Sharon is married, has 2 kids and is the sweetest, most kind hearted, God fearing woman you'll ever meet. She loves her family, her animals, her Grammpa, her neighbors and will "bless the heart" of anyone she meets.
She is pretty much the opposite of myself who can for the most part be....
An off the chain, tell it like it is, keep it real, dizzy, don't mess with my stilettos PITA {pain in the a*$}.
Ya gotta love her.
Ya kinda gotta get used to me to love me too. :)

Anyway, about two weeks prior to his passing, Karl mentioned that he had seen Sharon in Publix and talked for a few minutes before they both said their good-byes, he had to get home to eat dinner and she had to get home to make dinner.

Anyway, I know...get to the point Kim.

OK, so I get a PM {private message} in my FB and I open if and this is what I saw...

"Kim I just have to tell you about a dream I had last night, I dreamed Karl came to me all dressed in white and told me to tell you " that he and his (*********) where doing just fine and that he was watching over you and his children every second of the day. I don't know what the (*********) meant but in my dreams he said you would know what he meant. I am sorry if this sounds so crazy but something in my heart just kept on pushing me to tell you. I love and miss you guys.

I damn near fell off my chair.

Let me just explain.
Karl had a sort of birth mark on his chest that ONLY he, the kids and myself knew about.
In good humor and with love we would joke about it all of the time but ONLY in the privacy of our home.
The birthmark is rare and extremely unique. Nobody and I mean NOBODY, not my family, not my best friends, nobody knew.
Well in that note where I put (****) she described that birthmark EXACTLY.
There is no way, no how she could have ever known about it.
Like I said, we didn't hang out, she has never been to my house and certainly she had never seen him without a shirt on.

I wrote her back right away, the kids and I were literally flipping out.
This is the next note I got after I explained to her about that birthmark...

"oh my gosh I had no freaking ideal Kim could he have really been there and it not been a dream, I am speechless. I have no idea of what to even say at this moment."

And the next note the next day...

"you are more then welcome at my home anytime day or night. Kim just so you know he looked wonderful, he looked happy and at peace, he wore all white and he had a white light around him he wanted you all to know he was at peace and that he was watching over you all. He wanted you to know he will always love and watch over you guys, like I said before I thought it was a dream until you wrote to me and explained the (****) thing, so now I am thinking was he was really here. I was always a skeptic on people who come back to see you after they have died. But now I believe it can happen cause I don't have any other reason for the (******) thing I just didn't understand what he meant. I really felt like he was happy and healthy. I only had this happen to me one time before and it was when Larry's grandma died and I blew it off as a dream but now that makes me even wonder. Like I said I thought it was a dream but just seemed so dang real.
love you guys"

She followed up with a phone call that day as well and in it she told me that she had remembered a couple more things.

She said she was a little confused at first because she thought he was saying "Tell Is Me".
After thinking for a minute I asked, "Sharon could he have been saying Izzy, that's what he called me".
She laughed and said "Yes...yes that's it, that's what he was saying".

She also told me that "he is surrounded in love and has never felt better".
She said he wore his hair pulled back like always, he looked so healthy.
Also that if this was a dream it was the most realistic dream she had ever had, she said it was just like waking up and having a conversation with somebody.

A lot of people I know are skeptics, I was one of them.
But I can honestly say I have no explanation for this.
He HAD to have mentioned something to her so off the wall that only I would understand it.
Because if he didn't then yes, it could have been interpreted as just a dream.

When I talked to Karl's Dad oh about maybe a week and a half later, we were talking about his NY memorial service that was going to happen that weekend or the next.
I told him about this and he laughed and then I think he may have cried and laughed again.
Even he told me he had forgotten all about that "birthmark" until I just mentioned it.
I think it made him feel a lot better, after all...I lost my husband, but he lost his son. His pain is just as bad as mine.

Although Sharon hasn't had any more visits, Kody has had one. Nobody else has yet.
However, that being said I know he was here today, he was with us for sure.

I'll let you on about that this week, but as a small hint, his birthday present from me that I had finished today had a little something to do with it. :)

Vinny's Garden....





Created with a lot of hard work, devotion and love to my one true love, "My Vinny"

Happy Birthday baby, I hope you love it.



Happy Birthday in Heaven

I love you so much my sweet Angel "Vinny". I hope that you are having the most beautiful birthday ever.


Watch for our balloons this evening. :)

With all our love forever and ever...



There will be a second update today. :)


Friday, April 8, 2011

A Minute and a Half of Forgetting

When your flipping upside down on this....

MGM Hollywood Studios 006 copy 3

It's an almost guarantee that you'll forget your grief.
It may only last a minute and a half, but some days we will gladly take that minute and a half. :)

Here's Kody & Kolin, about to get on that ride with their Momma.


As it turns out, kind of surprisingly to me, Kody is our thrill seeker kid. Twist him, turn him, drop him, toss him upside down, he loves every second of it.
Kolin, on the other hand has both his Dad and me in him.
Like his Dad, he isn't crazy about rides. Actually Karl summed it up one day by saying "If I can't control it, I don't want to be on it". would never catch him on an airplane, he hated them lol.

During the wait to get on Kolin questions EVERYTHING about it, the safety, the mechanics, what makes it stick to the track, how can we be sure we won't fall out, what keeps us planted in our seat, what if this and what if that.
Then, as soon as he gets on and it takes off...just like that Momma kicks in, he loves it!
When we get off he's ready to get back on.
Then his Dad comes back, can't control it, not crazy about it.

Today I have a project planned as a birthday gift for my Vinny, his birthday is Monday and I want to have it completed by then so I got to get to Lowes and get started.

Have a beautiful day everyone!!


Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Dreams With Messages....

Since Karl died we have had quite a few "signs" left for us, mostly red birds {his favorite and mine too} and on occasion other silly things that would mean something to us but would have absolutely no meaning to anyone else.
I hear these "signs" {or as I like to call them, gifts} are a pretty common communication tool.

Two books I've recently read are incredible as to where I can very, very much relate to the stories that are, from what I am understanding...true.
One book is called "Hello From Heaven" and the other is called "We Are Their Heaven" by Allison DoBois.

My Vinny he doesn't come around to me much in my dreams hardly at all, and that really drives me crazy. But from what Miss Allison describes on her web site,

"If the deceased doesn't contact me ...
does that mean that they don't love me?

No, people who are grieving are often blocked by pain and the deceased has to find another way to contact them, through a friend etc. Sometimes it's just a matter of time. As I describe in my book “Don't Kiss Them Good-Bye” when I lost my own dad even being a medium didn't allow me to see him. It took me two years before I could hear him.

Don't force it and be sure to tell the deceased what you need from them not as a challenge but from your heart. It also has to be within their power, like if you requested a “visit” from them in a dream. This is in their power, every night go to sleep and let them know that your heart is open to them and that you'll patiently await their appearance. If you ask them to come back to life then that wouldn't be in their power. So take it at your own pace and you'll find that many prayers are answered."

I did a lot of wondering about this and I did get my answer.
I also got my answer from Karl last week when he was in a very real dream, so real I almost thought it was real but yes, I knew it was a dream.

In that dream he looked gorgeous as always but I mean he looked PERFECT. Everything about him, especially his teeth they were beautiful and his smile was the most incredible thing I have ever seen.
In this dream he came home and was standing {I think} in our living room and he said to me over and over how beautiful my locket necklace is.
I told him, "Oh I know Vin, your in it {his ashes are in there as well as his thumbprint on the front} and your also in the box in my room and your also standing right here in front of me...Ummm, Vinny you got a lot of explaining to do"
I remember his laughing just exactly like he used to when I would inevitably be confused by something that made total sense to him but not me.

He asked me if Kody was going to karate and I said "Yes" and he said "That's great, let's go bring him" and just like that we were in my jeep, the three of us.
That's when he asked me if I wanted to do "something crazy" and I said "Sure" and next thing you know we are driving up the side of a very rocky mountain, which was crazy cuz this is flat Florida, no mountains here.
Then he asked me if I wanted to do something crazier and after yelling at him to stop driving like a crazy person in my non 4 wheel drive jeep, he threw it in reverse and we were going fast all over the place up this mountain, me screaming "Vinny Are You Crazy" and him laughing and having a blast.

The whole while I was asking him "Please just tell me was that really your voice calling my name two days after you died when I fell asleep at 4:11 AM?", I asked him a bunch of questions, about the birds, the signs the gifts and he kept telling me he couldn't answer those questions right now.

I was really disappointed and told him "Really, come on, it's OK Baby you can tell me I swear on my shoe collection I won't tell anybody you told me" and again he laughed, and his laugh it was so music.

He parked the jeep and Kody got out and I looked at him and said "please just tell me one thing Baby, please tell me...did it hurt to die?"

He looked right at me, smiled, shook his head and said "No".

And just like that, the dream was over.
However, the one question that had been haunting me since the second I found out he was killed was answered, not by police officers or medical personal, as I had always thought they say that to everyone to comfort them. My question was answered by my Angel himself.

Do I now think he suffered even if just for a second?
No, I do not...not any more.
I believe his soul departed his physical body seconds before that crash ever took place.

Now, yes this could have just been a "wishful thinking" dream, I don't know.

This next story has convinced me even more that our loved ones still find ways to communicate with us.

Two weekends ago, KK {our oldest} decided to spend the weekend here hanging out with her brothers. Saturday night when we all went to bed, KK took Kody's bed and Kody took the couch.
Sunday morning when Kody finally woke up he was acting, well a little different. That's when he said "Mom I got to tell you something...I saw Daddy early this morning, he was here"
I asked him what had happened and he said "Mom, it was NOT a dream, I was awake. Daddy was standing at the end of the couch. He was wearing his camo shorts and his green tank top and he said "Kody it's not necessary for everyone to wonder how much I knew they love me, I know you all love me and I love you all very much too."
He also said "Kody it's time to step up and be a man, you can't be a kid forever it's time for you to start growing up to be a great man".

Just like that, Kody said he was gone. He also said that he saw a brilliant white light behind his Dad, really bright and that Karl didn't move his mouth at all but Kody could hear every single word his was saying loud and clear.

Kody also told me that at first he was a little freaked out, actually I think the word he used was "trippin'" lol. But that after a second or two he realized that it was OK and he sad it was so peaceful but that it was fast, like only seconds.

Could this have just been a son's "dream" of a Dad that he is still severely grieving for?
Perhaps but I don't think so.

Please come back on Monday, April 11th {Karl's birthday} because what I need to tell you then will change your mind. It has to, it's too unbelievably accurate not to and it was a visit from Karl to a friend of mine. This happened in February and it is still so stunning to me that I haven't been able to bring myself to write about it yet.
Like I promised, I'll save the best for last. :)

As for life here, we are still hurting. This is a very bad month, I can feel it the pain, the depression is starting to rear it's ugly head again. His birthday, Kaysha's birthday, our anniversary, our first major holiday {I know technically it was Christmas but honestly I don't even remember the day, nothing not even getting out of bed}.

We try to keep as busy as we can on the weekends so we don't sit around and "mope".

Spending time at the parks helps plus it forces me to get out there and get to driving places. Remember he was our family driver I rode shot gun always. :)

Here's a few pic's of lately...






KodysKool-036-copy he's not driving yet, now THAT would be "wishful thinking" lol.

Have a great day everyone!!



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