Friday, March 4, 2011

Daddy's Clothes

It's true, his clothes even after two and a half months still sit in the closet exactly the same way he left them. I just don't have it in me {or the heart yet} to move them or pack them up.
I did however, make sure each kid got one of his favorite t-shirts and I kept my favorite as well.
Bear choose his Dad's "Transformers" shirt, they both LOVED Transformers.

My favorite shorts he wore were his camo ones. OMG how I LOVED to see him in them, he just rocked those shorts, he really did.
I was looking for something else in our closet two nights ago and picked them up...oh man, so many memories, even the day we bought them came back in my mind.
Anyway, I knew they would be a little big but with a belt I thought maybe it could work, so I asked Kody if he would like them.
He said, "Of course I do Mom...anything of Dad's I would love"
I told him they would probably be a little big and he didn't care, promising me that he'd hike them up with a belt no problem.

Well, yesterday morning he came out of his room with one of his Daddy's favorite outfits on.
I wanted to cry, I wanted to laugh, I just wanted to remember the site of our son walking proudly in his Dad's outfit, getting ready to leave for school, forever.

Although a few kids teased him about his clothing being on the "kid-ish" side, when he stopped to explain to them how much those clothes meant to him, they were all apologetic when they "got it".

Minus the long hair, I just can't believe how much of Karl I see in Kody. :)



My real good friend Karrie invited the boys and I for dinner tonight. It'll be nice to get out for a little while.

Baby steps.....



tricia said...

Kody became a man right before our eyes!

Flossie said...


Lauren said...

I've read your blog for quite a while now but hadn't looked at any of my regular blogs since mid December. I just had to go back and read everything you've written since then and I am so, so sorry about your loss. Keep on, keeping on, take the time you need to grieve and hug those boys tight xx

Dot O said...

Yes, baby steps - but really good baby steps, Kim. Kody is handsome and looks so much like Karl!! Hope dinner tonight is relaxing and you are able to laugh.

Reflect said...

I have never commented to you but have followed your blog for years. You are an inspiration to everyone! Kody definitely looks like his dad and I think the outfit is awesome! (I am 42 so I don't really count with high schoolers but still. . . ) You are in my prayers and my heart breaks for you but your attitude and resilience is amazing! Thank you for sharing your life.

Anonymous said...

I hope they wear their dad's clothes all the time! Sleep in them even...keep that smell of him around. :0) Did he wear cologne? Spray some on a pillow.....

Kody Follower

Linnae said...


It took my boyfriend 9 months to go through his wife's things. Baby steps! Remember, this is your journey and time table and nobody else's -- you do it the way that works best for YOU, regardless of what anybody says.

Anonymous said...

I have been following your blog for at least 8 years. My heart breaks for you. I have always prayed for you'all. I always will.

May GOD keep you guys strong and give you strength.


Elliottsmama said...

It will be a year next month for me losing Elliott and it is still baby steps. There are so many emotions to deal with and some keep coming back. But I can tell you if I can do, you can too. You are strong, surrounded by a loving family. It WILL be ok.

Shiela in NY said...

That post brought tears to my eyes! Loving, heartfelt, tears! I love that Kody wanted to wear his Dad's clothes to school, no matter what the response of kids might have been. AND I'm glad that he explained things. Not so much to cover his part of it, but to show the love and respect that he has for his Dad!! THAT right there was a lesson for many! Love you, Kody! (And I agree with Mom...I see your Dad in you! I also saw it in the recent pic of KK.) Hope you enjoyed dinner with your friend! :)

Anonymous said...

All in time Kim, all in time. My mother passed away when I had just turned 16 and a few years later my cousins came over to clean out all my mom's clothes to give to the Salvation Army. I was not home at the time but came home to them in MY closet taking my mother's stuff out. I told them to put everything back that was in there and they started to argue with me. In a low voice I said "PUT.....EVERYTHING.....BACK". I also found a slip that she used to wear and put it up to my face and it had her smell so I fully know what you are referring to when you say that about Karl's clothing. Eventually it was time and I took the things out my closet on my own. There are no rules to grief and no rules to the healing process. Everyone is different. What kept me going every day and helped me was to think to myself "If my mother could talk to me right now what would she say?" The answer was "Lisa, you have grieved and I will always be with you, remember me always but remember the good times and be happy because I don't want you to be sad". You know that Karl would be saying the same thing to you. I leave you with something that my husband just posted on Facebook to me because I think that Karl would be saying the same to you. The words are "End of the line, I'll be waiting in time, by the stars to be reunited with you". The words are from the new song by Pagan's Mind, Intermission, which is all about meeting in the afterlife.

leese said...

Aww...I still have some of my Dad's shirts which I wear when I'm missing him. And his denim jacket is a staple for me.
I hope you all find comfort in Karl's things the same way; feels like a hug from heaven when you need one.
LOVING that the kids at school 'get it'-just warms my heart.
You're doing amazing. Babysteps is all you can do <3

Cheri said...

I read your post this morning and wanted to tell you a little story.

I have a wonderful dear friend who lost her 21 year old daughter to kidney cancer three years ago. The last ting they did together as a family was decorate a little white Christmas tree. To this day it still stands in their livingroom. It now gets decorated according to the holiday.. ie: valentines day, easter, etc... Her bedroom hasn't been touch either. Ramona just can't do it yet. There are even nights she sleeps there. There is no time limit. You will do what you want to do when you are ready, if you are ready.

Our thoughts, love and prayers are with you all always.

christie said...

You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what he would want:, open your eyes, love and go on
You can shed tears that he is gone
Or you can smile because he has lived
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left
Your heart can be empty because you can't see him
...Or you can be full of the love that you shared
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday

Thinking of you guys .. I hope that each passing day brings you some peace and comfort {hugs}


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