Saturday, March 26, 2011

New Memories

At some point, we have to start making new memories, spending time trying to figure out what this new life means and what we are supposed to do with the cards we got dealt.


It can be so lonely, especially at night but with every night comes morning and with every morning comes another chance for another day.

I took the kids to see "The Fifth Quarter" today. Something was driving me to see that movie, a feeling that we had to see it. I'm really glad we did, I think it helped the boys a lot.

I packed most of Vinny's/Karl's clothes away today. Every time I opened my closet those work shirts with the DAB logo on them would be staring at me, taunting was like a punch to the gut every time I looked at them, they had to go.
I kept one, gave the kids each one {they wanted it} cuz they were a part of him but I had to let the rest go, I just had to.
He had about a billion navy blue pocket t-shirts, that's what he'd wear alone to work or under the work shirt. I kept a few of his more worn ones, I gave some of the newer ones to the boys but the rest had to go.

The shirts he wore on his days off, neatly packed away {except for my favorite which is still hanging on his side, I love to look at that one} as are his two pairs of jeans, his beach swim trunks, his black hoodie and his leather jacket.

That's about all I had in me to do. Everything else still stays the exact way he left it. I just can't do it yet, I just cannot put up all of his things as if he never existed.

Other then that, life rolls on, one day at a time. :0)



Anonymous said...

I am proud of you Kim. I can not imagine the pain but understand your needing to do some of those things. Please know I continue to lift you all up in my daily prayers.
Hugs from Iowa,

Anonymous said...

You have to do it on your own time. When my dad died, I remember going into the bathroom that night and my mom telling me to open the medicine cabinet and throw away my dad's toothbrush and razor. Just like that, it was easier for her to have not to have to look at it. She took all his clothes to the Goodwill within that week. Easier to not see them hanging. She finally had my sister take him car home with her because seeing it when he opened the garage door stung.

Kody Follwer

Shiela in NY said...

Aside from the sunburns I hope you guys had a decent Spring Break and I'm glad you got away to Disney!

Kim, I can't imagine how difficult it was to pack up Karl's clothes but when it's harder yet to have the things sitting around it makes sense to take care of some of them. I don't blame you for not getting rid of everything ... everyone is definitely different but it really hasn't been that long since Karl passed. Take YOUR time. This may sound odd but I still have a piece of paper from the very last phone conversation I had with my Mother. She had been in and out of the hospital and when she went in the last time she had a tube down her throat so I never got to have a conversation with her again. She was too weak and shaky to write notes and it tore me apart so even though the notes are sad (she talks about wanting a few more years...) I hold that note as though it were my last real conversation with her. May seem odd to some people, but I choose to hold onto it...and she's been gone nearly 9 years.

Thinking about you, my friend!! <3

Lynn said...

That movie sounds wonderful. So sad, but wonderful. I hope it was encouraging to you all.
Dealing with clothes and personal belongings was very hard for me as well. I think it's one of the harder tasks in working through grief and toward healing. You can do it in multiple sessions, when you feel up to it. You don't have to tackle everything at once. Grief is very hard work but strangely it is the key to healing and going forward in hope. It has to be gotten through, but thankfully not on any time table except what is best for you and yours. God bless you day by day on this journey.


Tracey said...

Kim, your boys are so handsome! They look so different with the shorter haircuts. They are blessed to have you for their mama! Because your love for them and your family is so aparent! You definitely inspire me. Hope today is a day where you can think of your Vinnie and remember something that makes you smile. Take care. Tracey

Cathy Bowman said...

Hey Kim! Love the picture of Kody and Kolin. They both look so grown up and so incredibly handsome! Love you guys!


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