Monday, March 21, 2011

Call Out For Him And He'll Be There

Throughout this new so called life of ours, one we never wanted, asked for or thought would ever happen to us, we've had many chances to "take a glimpse".
No, of course we don't know what it's like to "die", nor do we have any clue what Heaven looks like but we do know, without a doubt {call me crazy if you want but this is true as the screen your looking into right now} that our loved ones really don't "die".
As a matter of fact, they don't just go away, they stay around and we are never forgotten.

Now, I have had, and I'm not going to sugar coat this, certain religious groups, come to my door {do they spend their days reading local obits I wonder?} and send sympathy cards with small paper booklets informing us that...

Our loved ones are "dead" and we must accept that in their views {which they are certain to be true} they are done, finished, no longer conscious, in a sound coma type sleep of one they will never wake up from, that they don't recall anyone or anything, cannot feel love, cannot fee anything, cannot connect with those left behind, yadda, yadda, yadda. In other words, have no souls.

OK, so I know he is dead, but I also know without a shadow of a doubt he is still very much "alive".

No, he isn't exactly human, not human form anyway, they way I remember him.
He's not a ghost either.
He is a spirit, a spirit so full of energy you couldn't even imagine.
I've felt that "energy" and his "presence" more then once.

Two days after after Karl died I was still so desperate to know that he was OK. His death was so very violent and it was all I could think of, did my baby suffer, even if just for a moment, was he OK now and free of pain. I remember the night when I was told he was killed, how I got this chill that no matter how many layers I wore or how much heat I had on, I couldn't shake. It was a chill right to the bone that never stopped making me shiver.
I remember not getting out of bed much, just enough to check on the kids, sign a release form to have his body sent to the funeral home from the medical examiners and then making the arrangements with KK and Kaysha in tow.
Other then that, I didn't leave our bedroom. I couldn't hardly walk, couldn't speak, couldn't eat, couldn't stop crying and couldn't sleep.
The last I remember looking at the clock very early that morning was 4:00. I hadn't slept yet. I must have dozed off because I can remember, and I will NEVER forget the sound of his voice clearly and strongly saying "Kimberley". My real name that only he called me, he even had Kimberley programmed into his cell phone instead of just Kim.
Of course it woke me up and when it did I felt him there. It's hard to explain but he was in that room and when I looked at the clock, it was 4:11...his birthday {April 11th} and a number that would come up all of the time in our marraige. Always, it was either 411 or 419 {our anniversary} we were constantly surrounded by those two numbers and yes we hit the lottery a few times on 411. :)
Right then and there I started laughing, I mean really tears which was very odd. And I said "Baby, I know your here, thank are OK" and of course through the tears that started again "I love you so much, please don't ever leave me for long".
Right then the room got warm, comfortably warm and I never, ever had the chills after that again.
Just so you know, every night when Karl and I would go to bed, he would put the heating pad under his neck and shoulders because they hurt some days. I would always be in our bathroom doing my girlie night time routine and every single night when I got out and got into bed next to him, he would have that heating pad on my side so I wouldn't ever have to get in a cold bed.
That was the kind of man he was.

Three days after he died, we had to get a ton of pictures printed for the memorial boards. Karyelle, Kody and I went to Wal-Mart to pick them up and God, I was just feeling so awful, the last place I wanted to be was out of bed and anywhere in the public eye.
But, we had to get those pictures and the kids didn't want to go alone.
On the way home I was sitting in the back seat {KK was driving, Kody was riding shot gun} and looking through about 150 pictures of Karl, of him and the kids, of us all together of just him and I and I was really a basket case at this time, crying...I mean just sobbing so bad from the grief.
That's when, on Kody's heavy metal music station came on a song that I hadn't heard in years and years.
Guns and Roses "Don't Cry".

Please read the lyrics and tell me this couldn't be possible that he didn't find a way to make me hear that song.

This is a full blown heavy metal station, I mean G&R really didn't even belong on there yet there it was. At first I didn't "get it", but about 30 seconds into the song I asked Kody to make it louder.
OMG, I know that song was sent from him..I know it was.
I've heard it four times, on the same station since then on days that I have been super blue.

We've had several more ADC's, these were the first two. I'll tell you more soon and I will be saving the big one, the best one for last. It is AMAZING!

The boys and I are going theme parking today, it's going to be good for us to get out since it's spring break week. I should have about a zillion new pic's.

Today I'll leave this, I love these even more in B&W and I'm actually thinking of having them printed on metal. Yep metal, it's the latest coolest thing lol.


Have a great day everyone!!



Shiela in NY said...

So nice to see these stories in black and white, Kim. I think you'll be glad you documented these! Your Blog is a journal of sorts. They gave me goosebumps to read. I'll have to click on the song later ... gotta save the make-up for the doctor's visit I'm leaving for!! lol

I love those pics of Karl in B&W. I've always been a fan of B&W photos and think they would look awesome on metal. It would be so fitting!! BTW, I also loved the moon pic from the other night. :)

Hope you have a nice day with the boys. No spring break for us until April ... and today we have a VERY WET heavy snow on the ground. So much for the first day of Spring!

tricia said...

I got the chills reading your update. I believe our deceased loved ones are with us;we have to just 'tune' into it.

Anonymous said...

OMG...this couldn't have came at a more perfect time. On the Today Show this morning there was a little boy who was in surgery and apparently died. He was talking about what heaven looked like.....full of color, everybody was young, and lots of animals. He said he met his baby sister. One that his mom miscarried and never told him about. The parents wrote a book about his experiences. I think the book is called There is a Heaven. I'm not sure, but this boy is only probably 10 years old at the most and he recounted so much.

For those religions leaving pamphlets that you are in a coma like sleep, GOD! For their sake, I hope they are right because I would have to know what would happen to them if they don't believe otherwise! They are the ones that need the pamphlets!

Kody Follower
Olympia, WA

Cheyenne said...

Conincidences? I think not. I am with you every step of the way on this thinking. He will be around more often than not since you had/have such a close-knit relationship. The fact that he is "showing" himself to you is great. A lot of people aren't that lucky. I have yet to hear anything from either of my parents. God be with you and yours.

Dot O said...

Kim, AOL had a segment posted today and I thought of you. It was from the Today Show:

Don't know if it'll work here. Please let me know. It is called "Meet Your Maker". I think it could change the mind of the most Doubting Thomas......

Sea52Jay said...

Love endures all

Anonymous said...

Kim....I firmly believe in all that you are saying. I have had experiences myself that are so real and so intense that I will never forget or doubt that they are real. Our faith is such a gift...It teaches us and encourages us to have an active relationship with those who have died. I believe that heaven is when you die and your soul lives on with those that you loved most. Never stop believing!


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