Monday, January 10, 2011

Thirty One Years

Thirty one years ago I met my beautiful husband in a cafeteria of my high school.
We should have been spending this day together. The kids are all in school, Monday's was his day off.
We should have been together.

Instead I took a walk by myself in a park we walked so many times, holding hands, sharing thoughts, getting our shit together, making our relationship the perfectness it was.
Nobodies hand to hold today, just a brain full of memories and a few "signs" he was with me.
Although, I wish he was more with Kody today. Kody needs him bad, very bad.

These were taken at a rest stop on our way to Cape Coral on Mom's Day, 2009.
Always the goof, I swear, not to mention how he could rock a tank top. *sigh*.


This was his all time favorite picture. It took a day on teh beach, just the two of us, a tripod, a camera remote, a sunset and a giggly wife to get this one picture.
I can't even begin to tell you how many times he'd smile and say "quit laughing and look at me" :0)


This will forever be my favorite picture of the two of us. We were just goofing around trying to take a selfie with that huge heavy camera. At the last second he gave me that kiss. I have loved this picture since the first time I saw it.
If I stare at it I can still feel the "love". That kiss and the way he closed his eyes. I crave the feeling of that one moment.


It's amazing how one quick photograph can change a life.

It's raining and gray out today, matches my mood for sure.
I feel dead on the inside. The sadness is so much more then I can handle.
Something is wrong inside, I can feel it, I know the signs. I called my Dr. this morning, just waiting for a call back.
I need help and I guess I am just to stubborn a/k/a hardheaded {My Vinny's word for me} to ask.

***I love you Baby and God I miss you SO MUCH! How I wish we could have spent this day together, doing something or doing nothing. Listening to the rain, drinking coffee. As long as we were together and we would have been had you of not been stolen from us.***



Anonymous said...

I am so happy you had 31 years together....that is a long time, but still so short in reality. I love looking at the pictures of the two of you-- definately can see/feel the love.

Bless Kody' heart....I can imagine how he is feeling. MY dad was taken suddenly, without warning when I was 20. I'm sure it is even worse for a teenager.

For sure, get something from the need it!

Kody follower
Olympia, WA

Dot O said...

Kim, take your doc's advice on everything. You may need something just help you cope in the days to come and don't feel like you are weak just because you may need medication.

I am still praying every day for you and the kids - every single day.....

tricia said...

thinking of you and the kids. i'm sure you are all still in shock.

please take care of yourself

Shiela in NY said...

I love all of those pics, Kim, and I agree...I have always loved the sunset one on the beach. How beautiful! I'm soooo glad you've always been a photographer and I remember how many years it was, after following Kody, that I finally caught a glimpse of Karl in a picture. And then it seemed like another 6 month (or more) before you were actually in a photo you shared. It was so neat to finally see what you guys looked like. Just like we talked a couple of weeks ago, we may not always get prints made of our digital pictures, but I have a feeling you just might be doing that more often now, as you go back through more and more photos (I can't imagine how many you must have stored on your computer!).

I remembered you and Karl met in the month of January (WHY is that, that I remember?) but didn't realize it was today. :( I can imagine today sucks even more than normal. I tried calling you earlier, but not 100% sure I dialed your number. I was in my car and couldn't hear the female voice on the answering machine but when she said, "but maybe not" it sure sounded like you. You were probably headed to get Kody & Kolin when I called. Sounds like a good night to stay inside where it's warm. I thought about Karl today...we're in Jets country and when I see merchandise in stores I can't help but think of him. I'm so glad his team won this weekend!! :) Please feel my (((((HUGS))))) from all the way up here.

Anonymous said...

What beautiful pictures and wonderful memories!! My thoughts and prayers will continue to be with you and your family. A special prayer for Kody that each day he continues to feel that his dad is right there even though he cannot see him.

Anonymous said...

Can you tell us about Vinnie's tats?

I love the tat maps!

Grieving right along with you...

Anonymous said...

Oh Kim, my heart is breaking for you.......I am still praying for you and holding you close in thought..

Jennifer P
Washington State

Anonymous said...

(((HUGS))) My prayers are with you and your family! I would love to see a high school picture of the two of you!!! :) I am so glad that your grand daughter is getting better! She is so cute!

Anonymous said...

HI I am not even sure how I found my way here and I am so very sorrow for your loss, I had an Aunt who lost a baby at birth, a brother and sister and both parents, when my Uncle died suddenly of a heart attack she said it was the hardest time of her life, I said how can that be with all the loss you have suffered and she said because John ( my uncle) shared those losses with me and it those words have stayed with me ever since how hard it must be to lose your partner I am thinking of you and not sure if this is appropriate to say but reading your thoughts and memories of your Vinny are truly like reading the most wonderful love story
Barb from Canada

Sherry said...

Kim,31 years of Love.I love both those pics! Keeping you in prayers and surrounding you with hugs.Keep close.

Anonymous said...

Kim....I can only imagine the pain that you are feeling, but I think it is great that you are able to put it in writing. My father died suddenly in his sleep and my mother was devastated. She began to keep a journal because, as she said, she felt as if she were going crazy with grief. The writing helped at the moment, but what was even more valuable was looking back at what she had written. There were times when she felt that she hadn't made any progress in her grief, but she'd go back and read her entries and it was there that she could see her healing. Keep writing, and keep going through this one day at a time, and even one minute at a time when you need to. God bless you and your beautiful family.
-Debbie Shumaker

Gina said...

I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you, all the way from Oklahoma! I have never followed a blog for as long as I have yours, since caringbridge, and it's all because of your lovely family. I so hope you are able to fight your way out of the dark. Sending hugs and prayers...

JulieK said...

Words cannot express how heavy my heart is for you and your family. I have followed your journey beginning with Kody. I feel like you are family and I had no clue what happened until a couple of days ago and I have been speechless ever since. I am so sorry that you must go through this pain. You and your family have been through more than one person should ever have to in one lifetime. I could always tell you two were like a couple of teenagers in love. He is walking beside you and will always be there for your children...maybe not in the physical sense...but he is in spirit. A true guardian angel 24/7....HUGE HUGS to you, my friend.

Love, Julie (Ellensburg, WA)

Cheyenne said...

The majority of us are at such a loss for words. I mean, what can we say that hasn't already been said? I will continue my prayers for you and your entire family, and I hope that Kody finds peace somehow, somewhere. One day at a time, an easy phrase for some of us to use, but we really mean it when we say it.

Tracey said...

I am praying for you. For peace. For comfort. Your tribute to your husband through your words and pictures is beautiful.

Post Pals said...

Hi Kim, I used to read Kodys CB page and still pop in on your blog from time to time but hadn't for a little while. I just read the news on Katia's cb page, I am beyond sorry, my heart goes out to you all.

Love Viks from Post Pals


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