I will never get a grip on this whole new world of solo parenting, Kolin brings me home "Student of the Month" status {again!!}...
And Kody gets put in "Honors English"!!
OK so I think I really still s**k at being {being forced into} a "Single Mom", I mean really...how many Mom's fall asleep in the car on the middle schools car rider pick up line and wake up only to the sound of the schools out bell and then start swatting the dashboard thinking it's the alarm clock?
Just sayin'......
On a happier note I am ready to continue on with this ADC thing. I don't know why I put it off, but thanks to Kody, I got my answer Sunday morning. :)
Well, I better run, the storms here is horrible. Gotta shut down all electronics, the lightening is about to hit hard again.
At some point, we have to start making new memories, spending time trying to figure out what this new life means and what we are supposed to do with the cards we got dealt.
It can be so lonely, especially at night but with every night comes morning and with every morning comes another chance for another day.
I took the kids to see "The Fifth Quarter" today. Something was driving me to see that movie, a feeling that we had to see it. I'm really glad we did, I think it helped the boys a lot.
I packed most of Vinny's/Karl's clothes away today. Every time I opened my closet those work shirts with the DAB logo on them would be staring at me, taunting actually....it was like a punch to the gut every time I looked at them, they had to go. I kept one, gave the kids each one {they wanted it} cuz they were a part of him but I had to let the rest go, I just had to. He had about a billion navy blue pocket t-shirts, that's what he'd wear alone to work or under the work shirt. I kept a few of his more worn ones, I gave some of the newer ones to the boys but the rest had to go.
The shirts he wore on his days off, neatly packed away {except for my favorite which is still hanging on his side, I love to look at that one} as are his two pairs of jeans, his beach swim trunks, his black hoodie and his leather jacket.
That's about all I had in me to do. Everything else still stays the exact way he left it. I just can't do it yet, I just cannot put up all of his things as if he never existed.
Other then that, life rolls on, one day at a time. :0)
Three months today, yet when you think of it as a quarter of a year it seems like forever. A quarter of a year I last kissed my one true love, last felt his protective arms around me, last laughed with him about something funny he did the night before and the joke I made about it that morning, last time I watched him struggle brushing out his long hair and last time he said to me "I swear Kimberley I am getting a !#@*! haircut!!" {he said that almost everyday lol}, last time I heard him say "I love you".
Almost two years ago we were going to renew our wedding vows. We had it all planned out perfectly even down to our outfits and had new wedding bands on lay-a-way {every pay day he'd go put a little more $ down on them}, but as always it seems that money we put aside needed to be put elsewhere when we decided we were going to move.
We were going to have our ceremony at Venetian Gardens and have our kids walk the path in front of us to the gazebo {where we would exchange our vows}, Karl and I side by side holding hands walking behind them with family and friends watching.
It was going to be beautiful and together we choose to have this song playing as we walked.
How could I possibly know back then how true the last two lines of that song would be.
"So I'm goin' away....but not forever. I gotta love you anyway...forever"
Throughout this new so called life of ours, one we never wanted, asked for or thought would ever happen to us, we've had many chances to "take a glimpse". No, of course we don't know what it's like to "die", nor do we have any clue what Heaven looks like but we do know, without a doubt {call me crazy if you want but this is true as the screen your looking into right now} that our loved ones really don't "die". As a matter of fact, they don't just go away, they stay around and we are never forgotten.
Now, I have had, and I'm not going to sugar coat this, certain religious groups, come to my door {do they spend their days reading local obits I wonder?} and send sympathy cards with small paper booklets informing us that...
Our loved ones are "dead" and we must accept that in their views {which they are certain to be true} they are done, finished, no longer conscious, in a sound coma type sleep of one they will never wake up from, that they don't recall anyone or anything, cannot feel love, cannot fee anything, cannot connect with those left behind, yadda, yadda, yadda. In other words, have no souls.
OK, so I know he is dead, but I also know without a shadow of a doubt he is still very much "alive".
No, he isn't exactly human, not human form anyway, they way I remember him. He's not a ghost either. He is a spirit, a spirit so full of energy you couldn't even imagine. I've felt that "energy" and his "presence" more then once.
Two days after after Karl died I was still so desperate to know that he was OK. His death was so very violent and it was all I could think of, did my baby suffer, even if just for a moment, was he OK now and free of pain. I remember the night when I was told he was killed, how I got this chill that no matter how many layers I wore or how much heat I had on, I couldn't shake. It was a chill right to the bone that never stopped making me shiver. I remember not getting out of bed much, just enough to check on the kids, sign a release form to have his body sent to the funeral home from the medical examiners and then making the arrangements with KK and Kaysha in tow. Other then that, I didn't leave our bedroom. I couldn't hardly walk, couldn't speak, couldn't eat, couldn't stop crying and couldn't sleep. The last I remember looking at the clock very early that morning was 4:00. I hadn't slept yet. I must have dozed off because I can remember, and I will NEVER forget the sound of his voice clearly and strongly saying "Kimberley". My real name that only he called me, he even had Kimberley programmed into his cell phone instead of just Kim. Of course it woke me up and when it did I felt him there. It's hard to explain but he was in that room and when I looked at the clock, it was 4:11...his birthday {April 11th} and a number that would come up all of the time in our marraige. Always, it was either 411 or 419 {our anniversary} we were constantly surrounded by those two numbers and yes we hit the lottery a few times on 411. :) Right then and there I started laughing, I mean really laughing...no tears which was very odd. And I said "Baby, I know your here, thank you..you are OK" and of course through the tears that started again "I love you so much, please don't ever leave me for long". Right then the room got warm, comfortably warm and I never, ever had the chills after that again. Just so you know, every night when Karl and I would go to bed, he would put the heating pad under his neck and shoulders because they hurt some days. I would always be in our bathroom doing my girlie night time routine and every single night when I got out and got into bed next to him, he would have that heating pad on my side so I wouldn't ever have to get in a cold bed. That was the kind of man he was.
Three days after he died, we had to get a ton of pictures printed for the memorial boards. Karyelle, Kody and I went to Wal-Mart to pick them up and God, I was just feeling so awful, the last place I wanted to be was out of bed and anywhere in the public eye. But, we had to get those pictures and the kids didn't want to go alone. On the way home I was sitting in the back seat {KK was driving, Kody was riding shot gun} and looking through about 150 pictures of Karl, of him and the kids, of us all together of just him and I and I was really a basket case at this time, crying...I mean just sobbing so bad from the grief. That's when, on Kody's heavy metal music station came on a song that I hadn't heard in years and years. Guns and Roses "Don't Cry".
Please read the lyrics and tell me this couldn't be possible that he didn't find a way to make me hear that song.
This is a full blown heavy metal station, I mean G&R really didn't even belong on there yet there it was. At first I didn't "get it", but about 30 seconds into the song I asked Kody to make it louder. OMG, I know that song was sent from him..I know it was. I've heard it four times, on the same station since then on days that I have been super blue.
We've had several more ADC's, these were the first two. I'll tell you more soon and I will be saving the big one, the best one for last. It is AMAZING!
The boys and I are going theme parking today, it's going to be good for us to get out since it's spring break week. I should have about a zillion new pic's.
Today I'll leave this, I love these even more in B&W and I'm actually thinking of having them printed on metal. Yep metal, it's the latest coolest thing lol.
I still keep his Facebook going, we need to have it. The kids and I still write lil' notes to him on his wall, telling him about our day, our frustrations, our dreams, our love and how much we miss him. Maybe he can't see it, maybe he can. It really doesn't matter. It helps us cope and that's all that's important.
This is what he has had on his profile since the beginning of his FB page.
"I am nothing special of this I am sure. I am just a common man with common thoughts. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, that has always been enough
Married to my beautiful wife Kim for 30 years,soon to be 31, on april 19 2009. im still a psycho, but with a direction in life. Love to make people laugh. Im very intense about what i do, maybe to much.Love motorcycles,nascar,go 88!and driving tractor trailers across this beautiful country. Loyal, Loving, and Faithful. Just dont piss me off. Its not pretty! Oh Yeah Sober and Drug Free! you also must be this to hang with me."
Funny thing is he always remembered to change the years we were married {were? Shit, that again} but he never remembered to change the date {year}, no matter how many times I'd remind him. Just another one of those things some couples might have thought annoying, but I always thought it was cute. :)
He also had this in his fave quotes...
"Favorite Quotations To Thine Own Self Be True. faith,hope, and love kim said it !
~~~~A girl asked a boy if she was pretty. He said no. She asked him if he wanted to be with her forever. He said no. She then asked him if he would cry if she walked away. He again said no. She had heard too much, she needed to leave. As she walked away, he grabbed her arm and told her to stay. He said, 'You're not pretty, you're beautiful. I don't want to be with you forever, I need to be with you forever. And I wouldn't cry if you walked away, I would die.~~~~"
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Even though he'll be gone three months on Tuesday, days like today, when I find a little something on the road during my morning "Vinny Walk" that was definitely something that would catch even my ADD attention, and reading the words he wrote again, in my heart it's like he is still keeping that spark alive.
I miss that beautiful man with every ounce of my broken heart.
Kyle's eulogy was read at both his Florida service and his NY one as well.
"Karl John Kruppenbacher, III Born April 11th 1956
Karl was a father of six and a husband of thirty years to a wonderful woman named Kim.
For those of you who knew Karl, he was as tough as nails and sometimes not the easiest to get along with, but if you knew him the way his family did, you also knew his heart was truly made of gold and his ways were like no other. The love that Karl had for his family was unexplainable and unconditional. There was nothing he wouldn't do, or couldn't do to make his family happy. Karl worked his hands to the bone to make sure his family would never go without. He was a jack of all trades and a master mechanic.
He was a motorcycle riding madman who loved to raise hell back in the day. But, he loved to make people happy even more. Karl was the kind of man who would give the shirt off his back to a stranger just to see them happy. There is nothing he wouldn't do to see his children smile.
The things that Karl taught and showed to the people closest to him will continue to shine for all of eternity and will never be forgotten. He would always remind his family to never go to bed angry at each other because you never knew if it would be the last time you will see them. He would always kiss his wife good night no matter what the day might have brought.
Dad you will always be loved, never forgotten and missed forever. We all love you and thank you for the impression you made on the world and in all of our lives. Your voice and your actions will always remind us to seize the day so we don't die regretting the time we lost and may you remain in all of our hearts forever, and ever.
Rest in Peace Karl
Written with love and respect by Kyle James, Karl's oldest son in memory of the best Dad and greatest man in the world."
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Try as we did, we never could get Kyle released on an emergency furlow to be at Karl's funeral. At the last second they wanted us to pay and given the circumstances it was way more then we could safely afford. Three weeks after the funeral Kaysha received a letter of apology from the warden stating that miss communication within the prison system was the problem and that in fact Kyle should have been released to the Sheriffs department for one day to attend the funeral being that it was for his biological father.
Sadly, it was too little, too late. We can't go back and have a second chance. I will always feel horrible that #1, Kyle was never able to really "know" a sober Dad {though they always made a point to talk on the phone ever Sunday, that was "their" day} and #2 he couldn't be here to say "good-bye". I hope with all my heart Kyle, when he gets out in two more years, changes his ways permanently and for the better, this was a real eye opener, I'm sure and even though I am his Mom, I will always be the first to say, he owes that much to his Dad and his brothers who even still till this day, look up to him.
Life around here continues. Some days are OK, mainly because they are so busy. Some days just plain out bite. I had one of those weeks where nothing seemed to just go right. Pep Boys charged me $700 for some oil leak that they swore would be unsafe and yes, I fell for it. All I went in for was an oil change. Two weeks later {this past Tuesday is when they finally got to fixing it} and after paying in advance {which I thought was weird but they say that's their policy}, guess who's jeep is still leaking oil? Yeah, mine.
We bought a lawnmower and messed up assembling it. I brought it back to Sears thinking it was broke and they patiently and happily showed me where I went wrong. Love Sears, they are really sweet. Which leads me to this, why didn't I take the jeep there? Honestly I have no idea I guess I still am not thinking like I should. Maybe I stupidly thought men don't take advantage of women who are husband-less and know not one thing about anything mechanical. Damn was I ever wrong.
So, this week Pep Boys get the two thumbs down and Sears gets the two up.
Here's Kolin with that mower. He didn't have to be asked, told or hinted. He went outside yesterday after school and started that thing up and did exactly how his Dad taught him. Until a headache which Bear had all day finally took him down, he was out there helping rake and bag too. I did the front the day before while they were at school, which I kind of think bugged Kolin a little {OK maybe a lot}. He thinks it's a "man's job". lol...I was really only in it for the exercise anyway.
In case any of you may be curious, those plants I transplanted last week, well great news! They are still alive. Props to Miracle Grow Potting Soil. LOL!
My "so called but not really" green thumb inspired me today to pick up an aloe plant and a coral cactus. The nice lady at Wal-Mart told me they were extremely low maintenance. I so love that idea. :0)
Have a great day everyone!!
PS. I still don't have Kaysha's letter on hand so within the next day or two or three I'd like to share some of those ADC stories with you. There are a few but like I said, the best one will be saved for last. :0)
This letter was written by my Florida, BFF...Karrie.
"In Loving Memory to a Man I once knew.....whose LOVE & DEVOTION to His Family shined through and through. He didn't have a lot of money...He didn't own a shiny new car...He didn't live in a mansion..but HE had 7 bright STARS. These stars represented..all that He CHERISHED..and all that He LOVED..GOD had Blessed Him with ANGELS from up above. The 1rst Angel is named Kim..she was HIS Heart and Soul..She was the one to complete Him..the one who made Him whole. The 2nd Angel is Karyelle..she was his first born baby girl...He loved her more than anything..in this whole entire world. The 3rd Angel is Kayara...His little hell raiser from the start....she knew exactly..how to melt Her Daddy's big ole heart. His 4th Angel is Kyle...the Son who kept Him on His toes...how much He loved His Baby Boy..I think everyone knows. His 5th Angel is Kaysha...the one who is most like Him in every way...She's STRONG,CONFIDENT and DETERMINED..is what He would say. The 6th Angel is Kody....He made his Daddy the proudest every single day.....He was the one who beat CANCER... His KODY BEAR in every special way. The 7th Angel is Kolin...the last but NOT least...He was His Baby Rambo the Beast. This is Karl..the GREAT MAN that I knew...My only wish...is that you could have known HIM too......... ~MAY YOU REST IN PEACE ALWAYS OUR BELOVED KARL~"
Kody's ROTC uniform has finally come in, just in time as he is having the official ROTC pictures done today.
This is what he looked like at about 6:40 this morning right before he was heading out for school...
How badly I wished his Daddy could have been there to see that, then again, maybe he did, you never know. :0) So Kody tells me now that his dream is to join the Air Force and although granted because of his medical problems, that could be a problem BUT if know Kody, and I do, he has always dreamed big and followed through on every dream he's ever had. One day we may just look up and see our Bear piloting a jet...you never, ever know.
Our days are going OK. We are surviving although some days that seems like just barely. Getting through the first year of "firsts" sucks, but we do it because we have to. Everyday we still find something to smile about, everyday we talk about Karl, we laugh at the silly things he used to do or say and we nearly bust a gut some days when we think about all the crazy things he had done. The empty spot in our family will always be there, but as long as we can try to fill that spot up with really good memories, it can at least for the moment become kind of bearable. I know one thing is for sure, every time I look into the eyes of our children, I can feel his presence. It's because they are half of him that his spirit and his beauty will always live on.
Coming up, Kyle's eulogy to his Dad and an amazing story {saving the best for last} that might even make the non-believers out of believers concerning ADC {after death communication}.
Have a great day everyone!!
PS. "A" from the Northeast, the boys thank you for the message you left them and they swear that will make everyone proud, especially their Dad. They are our future and they are determined to stay on the right path always. :0)
I will never say goodbye to you my Father cause I know this is not the end for us to see each other. You will only be going to a place where there’s no pain nor suffering. I am happy for you, for you will be with God. For now we need to go in separate ways. I remember how your arms held me and give me strength. You were always there to listen, love, and defend me in everything. You were my very best friend. In my triumphs you were always proud. In my darkest days you never gave up on me, no matter what pain I caused you, You made me stronger. I’m very grateful and proud to call you my daddy. Here deep inside my heart you’ll always be. I would give up everything I have just to hug you one more time. I remember the last time I held you’re hand and how you looked at me in the eyes. I remember If only I could turn back the time I would have never let you go. I felt the world stop and my heart stop beating when they told me you’re gone……. How I wish I was only dreaming. Just like the rain; tears fell down from my eyes, I couldn’t speak for a while. Thank you Dad…. For always understanding, listening , caring, and loving me for the rest of your life. The greatest gift God gave me was YOU…….. my Dad… It’s difficult to let you go but I must… I must return the gift God gave me… Keep Alexes close and safe, tell my baby girl I love her. Till then; See you in Heaven…… I love you with all my heartagram Forever your daughter, Kayara
This is from Mother's Day, 2009 at Kayara's in Cape Coral...
***goofy face on my part due to a "Vinny Last Second Butt Grab" {you would not believe how many pic's I have like this lol}***
Truck show in Wildwood, FL. Taken last April...
This was taken only a couple months before he passed. I forgot all about this picture till I opened up a folder titled "Welding" about two weeks ago. This was the first one that popped up, looking at me like that...lol...you would never know this but secretly he loved having his picture taken. :)
More over the week, or early next week.
Have a beautiful day everyone. :)
BTW...if you can, send some love & positive thoughts to Bear. A friend of his {Michael} from school died two nights ago, he just found out in school yesterday and he is really hurting again. Too much for a kid to go thru, I mean geez...it has to stop sometime, right?
Rainy gray days make my heart hurt so much more. I miss you so much "My Vinny".
"Don't wake me, we're together just you and me, Don't wake me cuz we're happy like we used to be. I know I gotta let you go, but I DON'T want to be alone."
Here are the boys {Kody and Kolin's} tribute to their Dad, which was read at his service in NY last month.
Kody's...
My Daddy is the best dad a kid could ask for. He was everything from loving and caring and just plain and simple, he was my hero. The thing that made my dad different from how much he loves his family and how he would do anything for his family was when he saw somebody struggling to do something he would stop whatever he was doing to help that person. More specifically I remember my Mom telling me how her and Dad were at the mall and there was a little old man trying to put minutes on his cell phone and my dad helped him out and the guy was all like taking out money and thanking my dad for what he did. He didn’t take the money, he just shook his hand and wished him a nice day. The stories my father left behind are amazing and they are very funny to talk about, well most are funny to talk about. I think the best story ever told was when my dad needed cigarettes so he took my older brother, Kyle James mini bike to go but them. He had to ride over a lake that was sort of frozen. He was riding and there was a thin piece of ice, he hit it and fell through. Lol He was screaming “Kyle get your mother, I’m in the lake!” Then my dad’s genius neighbor ran outside with a rope with a hook on it. He threw it out there but instead of holding on to one end he threw the whole thing out there. My Mom and sisters ran and got a canoe and my dad said you could hear it coming down the stairs Clunk, Clunk, Clunk. Finally the fire dept came and the whole time they were trying to get him out of the freezing water he was yelling for someone to get him a lighter, for his cigarette, which he somehow managed to keep dry. My Mom made him come home and make dinner that night, she said he wasn’t getting out of it because it was his turn. Even more recent I remember whenever I came home from a bad day at school and felt like ripping homebodies head off he would always take me into the back porch and talk me through it. He always said “Don’t stress over what you can’t control” . That’s why I am not letting my fathers death eat me alive. I just have to face the fact I will never have another Daddy. What my Dad also taught us kids was that he told us when you meet a girl not to treat them like crap. He always said “girls are like socks, if you treat them good they won’t get all nasty on you” He said “Kody, your Mom is my pair of socks”. He told my sisters boyfriends, “IF YOU MAKE MY DAUGHTER CRY I WILL MAKE YOU CRY”. He always reminded us who is the most important lady in the world, His Izzy a/k/a My Mom. He told us to treat every woman like a princess especially Mom. My Dad treated my Mom like a princess, no doubt about that. Man how we are going to miss what an awesome man he was, we are going to miss him a lot. Rest in Peace Vinny Provolone. I love you Daddy. Love, Kody a/k/a Bear
And Kolin's...
Karl John Kruppenbacher, forever my dad.
My dad was the best person you could ask for. As a dad and as a husband my dad was a rare dad basically he was a flat out bad ass since birth. He would always tell us life lessons and all the crazy things he did when he was a kid. Like how his dad almost cut his hand off with an axe but thank God my dad watched McGiever and he saved his dads life. If you took the time out to unwrap him you would find out that he was a very loving and caring person who loved his family more then anything and would do anything for his wife whom they been together for 31 years and will always be together for ever and ever. My dad always had a nickname for me he would call me RAMBO because the last thing i promised him is that after high school I was joining the Marines and becoming a sniper. He also called me since the beginning ``bop or kolly bop" but when we screwed around each other he called me "hello kitty" and I called him Brett Farve back. He really didn't like Brett Farve much, neither did I. Recently I joined football and he would be at every game that he could and he came to every practice and I mean every practice and every game i would always hear him screaming "GO KOLIN GO RUN YOUR FREAKING BUTT OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YA THAT'S MY BOY". Every time I heard that it make me feel really good about myself and make me work harder and all the games that my team won was the greatest feeling for him to say "that's my son and I am proud". He really was the greatest dad any kid could ask for. He would brag to his drivers and talk about us all the time. My dady taught me how to fix cars, he had me help changing tires on the big mack trucks and everything else. He always came home with a few dollars on him and would go to the dollar store and always bought my mom a little something that always said her three favorite words FAITH HOPE & LOVE. Some weekends he would take me my brother Kody, my sister Kaysha, my Mom and me to go to the Lake Square Mall just to hang out and get us a little something for us. It never mattered if we didn't get anything all that mattered was that we had each other and that's all we really needed. So I just wanted to say is that I love you and miss you dady you were the world to me and you always will be and that I still wanna be a Marine Sniper and I'm still going to be. I love you dady!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love always your RAMBO Kolin
Too cute, huh?
As always, I got to leave a picture...my OCD's won't let me not. So, in an attempt to try something "normal" for a change, I transplanted three plants today.
Check with me at the end of the week to see if they are still green and standing tall. No I wasn't born blessed with the ability to keep a darn plant alive for more then 48 hours. Yes that is a Starbucks Carmel Macchiato with a shot of raspberry and a bunch of whip cream on top. I girls gotta do what a girls gotta do to keep her sanity. :0)
This week I'll be posting the letters the kids and I wrote for Karl's memorial service in New York that his family gave him. I heard it was beautiful and not a dry eye in the place. I know many of you would have loved to have attended, believe me, we would have too.
I'll start out with mine and add the boys tomorrow.
"A Loving Tribute to My Beautiful Angel…
First, I would to thank all of you for blessing us with your being here today.
I could probably go on for hours telling you all about my husband, Karl, but I’ll try to keep it short and sweet because if I don’t I will for sure hear his voice say, “Kim…will you please get to the point!”.
You may have noticed we call him “Vinny” a lot. It was a family joke in our home. One day, maybe a year or so ago, Karl on some crazy impulse decided that “Vinny Provolone” {yes, like the cheese} was to be his new “alter ego”. Vinny, my handsome, funny, romantic, incredibly sweet & sober new man. I instantly became his “Isabella” or “Izzy” as he mostly called me. Actually “Dizzy Izzy” was more like it but lets not go there.
No, Karl didn’t have even a smidgen of Italian in him but to watch him stuff bread sticks in his cheeks at The Olive Garden and recite “The Godfather”, you’d never know it.
I remember one day, last summer, while on a shopping trip to Sams Club we couldn’t find the kids. We were ready to leave and apparently Kody, Kolin and Kaysha were still hitting up every free sample booth in the store. Karl decided to have a little fun with that and promptly went to the front counter and had them announce loud and clear, “Would the children of Vinny Provolone please get to the front of the store, your Dad says it’s a long walk home”. Yes, they were embarrassed to the max, but they never did get lost again.
Karl had quit drinking two years ago. He was a proud member of AA. They made a huge impact on his life and in turn made a huge impact on our lives as well. I will admit it took a while to get used to this new and improved sober healthy man, but I am so glad I did. Straight out, he was perfect. We had the perfect marriage. So many people and co-workers of his used to tell us they were actually jealous of the way we would still act like two love struck teenagers. They said we had the greatest love story ever and we did. When he was asked for advice, {and even when he wasn’t asked} Karl would tell people “Never lose that spark, the one that started your relationship in the first place. It’s easy to lose and if you do, you got to find it and never, ever be quick to give up”.
My Vinny kept that spark alive till the day he left as the very last words we spoke to each other about an hour before he died were simple and honest “I love you”.
I miss and love that beautiful man more then words on a piece of paper can ever describe. Walks on the beach holding hands, our coffee time together before the kids woke up, sharing his chocolate stash in bed at night, complaining how we couldn’t seem to lose weight {darn that sweet tooth and chocolate stash!}, laughing, looking into each others eyes and saying “I love you” without ever speaking a word, “Baking Mondays”, his threats of cutting me off from new shoes {although he never followed through on any of them, in fact on Christmas morning, three days after he died was a wrapped up box from him to me with, what else but another new pair of shoes}, acting silly in stores, his delicious grilled chicken cutlets, the way he’d bake me a cherry pie for no reason other then I loved his cherry pie, his long hair and his long hugs…these are just a few of the things that I miss so very much.
Vinny was my sweetheart, my best friend, my lover and my soul mate. I believe with all my heart, because of the “gifts or signs” he still leaves me, that he is still with us. I know in my heart that we were always meant to be soul mates and that one sweet day we will be reunited to spend all of eternity together. I can promise you that day the stars will twinkle and shine brighter because I will be back in the arms of the man who stole my heart {and took a huge piece of it with him} thirty one years ago.
To our family in New York, thank you so much from all of us here in Florida for honoring the memory of my sweet Angel and especially to Karl {Dad} and Donna for giving this incredible man to me all those years ago.
Bless you all.
With love, Kim a/k/a “Izzy” a/k/a “Vinny’s Girl Forever”."
It's true, his clothes even after two and a half months still sit in the closet exactly the same way he left them. I just don't have it in me {or the heart yet} to move them or pack them up. I did however, make sure each kid got one of his favorite t-shirts and I kept my favorite as well. Bear choose his Dad's "Transformers" shirt, they both LOVED Transformers.
My favorite shorts he wore were his camo ones. OMG how I LOVED to see him in them, he just rocked those shorts, he really did. I was looking for something else in our closet two nights ago and picked them up...oh man, so many memories, even the day we bought them came back in my mind. Anyway, I knew they would be a little big but with a belt I thought maybe it could work, so I asked Kody if he would like them. He said, "Of course I do Mom...anything of Dad's I would love" I told him they would probably be a little big and he didn't care, promising me that he'd hike them up with a belt no problem.
Well, yesterday morning he came out of his room with one of his Daddy's favorite outfits on. I wanted to cry, I wanted to laugh, I just wanted to remember the site of our son walking proudly in his Dad's outfit, getting ready to leave for school, forever.
Although a few kids teased him about his clothing being on the "kid-ish" side, when he stopped to explain to them how much those clothes meant to him, they were all apologetic when they "got it".
Minus the long hair, I just can't believe how much of Karl I see in Kody. :)
My real good friend Karrie invited the boys and I for dinner tonight. It'll be nice to get out for a little while.
