Monday, October 10, 2011

From The Past

I've been struggling again lately, it seems like here we go again...grief, grief, grief...I could write my own book on it.
On love, marraige, lots of kids, a sick kid, life, death, grieving.
Sometimes I wish I knew where to start cuz I would write one, I really would.

I dreamed of Karl, My Vinny two nights ago. In my dream we were back in NY on the streets of Lake Peekskill {where we moved from to move here}.
He was wearing his famous {UGH} work clothes again {LOL} but instead of running towards him I was running away from him. He kept chasing me down, smiling.
Why in the hell would I be running away from him. stupid and I was so mad at myself when I woke up.
A perfect chance to steal a hug, a kiss, anything and I ran away. Damn it.
Dreams don't come often, but when they do I like to think I had a good part in them. Not this time.

Anyway, this morning I was looking for an old picture of Kaysha. I have tons and tons of folders on this computer full of photos and one of them caught my eye.
A picture of me and kolin was in the front and I knew it wasn't the folder I wanted yet something {or someone} made me click on it and open it anyway.
It was like striking gold.
About six photos I had long forgotten about, till today when I had this huge wave of memories come splashing down on me.
Most of them were sticking our tongues out, hamming it up for self portrait we were trying to take that day a couple summers ago.

This is one of them
I have the look of "Wait..I'm trying to find the...hold on...oh damn where it it..stupid shutter button...SNAP...oops, there it is". I'm sure he was trying real hard not to LHFAO ;)...

DorksInDorkyGlassesLOL copy

How can one picture make me so happy and so sad at the same time.
Grieving is a sucky world my friends.



Anonymous said...

A collection of your posts from this blog is a good place to start a book.....

Kim said...

TY!! :)

jeeper said...

Your dream is telling you that you are ready to move on, to find love again.

Tracey said...

I agree, your blog posts and pictures are so heartfelt and phenomenal. They would make a great book. You can even print your blogs on some of the websites. Even if just as a legacy to your kids. This picture made me smile. You really can see that your Vinny is laughing in his eyes. Sending prayers for the greiving to ease. All my best, Tracey

SamC said...

You really should write a book. It would be real.

Anonymous said...

Kim, I'm no psychologist. But I don't think you were running from Karl in your dream.

I think your subconscious is trying to get away from the hurt and move towards healing.

Acutescrubnurse said...

Kim, you really should write a book!! Go for it!!


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