Hiding under the covers and crying.
Laughing a little at silly memories.
All warm and fuzzy when someone mentions his name.
Looking through pictures and then quickly putting them back away.
Crying a whole lot more.
Digging my nails into my own face and clawing myself to death just so the pain will manifest itself anywhere else but in my soul.
Some days I figure maybe it's best to sit on some stupid tree stump in the park on a sunny day and force a very fake smile. I have to, the kids need to see Mom smile once in a while.
Some days I'd love a quick glimpse of the date we are to be together again for all of eternity so maybe at the very least I'll have something to look forward to.
Kody informed me yesterday that he has to shave for ROTC. At first I was like "You've got to be kidding, what do you have like 5 chin hairs?" Then I realized his Dad should be teaching him, what do I know..nothing.
I told him I would You Tube or Goggle search it.
Tonight he asked his awesome karate teacher if he'd show him, he said of course...lol...I am so glad he took matters into his own hands.