One Year Today...

One year ago today your physical body left, but your spirit will forever remain in my heart, in my tears and in the eyes of the six beautiful gifts you gave me, our children.
My memorial back piece is complete and is dedicated to you My Vinny.
Many people ask me if it hurt...yes, of course it did...but it can never compare to the hurt I carry in my heart every day.
I love you Vinny...Always and Forever, Till Death Do Us Part.

~Your Izzy~



The top banner is from Eric Clapton's Tears in Heaven and says "Would You Know My Name If I Saw You In Heaven" and the bottom banner says, "A Perfect Chapter Laid To Rest" from Avenged Sevenfold's "So Far Away".
The two dates in that banner on the left is 4-19-80 {the day we got married} and 12-22-10 {the day he died}.
Absolutely everything in that back piece mean something to him and me, some very personal...even the three stars above his head. There is nothing there that he wouldn't be able to pick out as something special between the two of us.

People heal in different ways, this tattoo was nine months in the making, and my own way of trying to heal from the greatest hurt I have ever felt in my life.
If statistically couples who have been together and share a love as deep as ours die within a year of each other...I've often wondered, why the hell am I still here?

At the end of the day we'll start year two...it doesn't seem real that he's gone.
In about 45 minutes from now, that is exactly one year.
Every day I stare outside and imagine his car pulling up, the way I'd walk down the driveway to meet him or the way he would come through the garage door. The was he smelled, the way he held me close, the way he made me feel so loved.
Time does not heal...at least it hasn't for us yet.

Thank you to everyone who has followed us throughout this journey.
I have no idea yet where life will take us this year, I pray for some healing, a pray for less tears and more smiles, I pray that we still remain and strong and close knit family as always.
We have our ups and downs, don't get me wrong...we have our arguments just like everybody else and sometimes they can get pretty heated.
But, when we take a deep breath and step back and realize the pain from losing the most beautiful man that ever walked this planet is the cause for most of that ugliness...it's then and only then can we stop and remember one thing...

What would Vinny want us to do?

Have a beautiful day everyone, cherish every moment with the ones you love.

A New Life...

I've been waiting a few weeks to share the news, I wanted it to be before the reality of this month hits.
I wish we could have shared this as a complete family, but I know Karl is there with us and I am sure knew before we did.

Anyway, with that being said I would like to announce to you all tonight that our oldest daughter, Karyelle and her fiance Chaz are expecting their first baby in July!!!!

Yup, I am going to be a Gramma once again. :)

This past year a life very dear to us was taken suddenly, this coming year a baby will be born into our family, while not making us complete again...it will give us something very beautiful and precious to look forward to, possibly even a way for all of us to heal somewhat.
I am sure without a doubt, because he has proven it...that there is one very proud Grammpa in Heaven already looking after this sweet baby.



Have a blessed day everyone.

Remembrance Night

Last week, Beyers, the funeral home we used had it's annual Remembrance of Life at a church out in Fruitland Park. All the families who have lost a love one this past year are invited to attend a service in which we wee given a dove ornament to place upon a tree in memory of our loved one. The dove has that persons name on it.
While I couldn't get all the kids there, Kyle we know why and Karyelle because she had been hit hard with the flu..the rest were there and Adriana too.

I have to say, it was absolutely beautiful.

For those of you who believe, like we do, that our loved ones an still be around us in spirit, and to those of us who do believe in "signs", I have to tell you...

I saw him.

Call me crazy, it's OK {lol}, we were sitting in the middle section, third row down and I was at the end of the pew right near the center of the church, Kody was next to me.
Right before it started, people were sitting all around, talking and whatever...you know when lots of people talk all at the same time it gets loud. My kids were talking amongst each other and Adri, well Adri was being typical 4 year old firecracker Adri.
I was deep, really deep in my thoughts of Karl/My Vinny when I look to my right and sure as I am typing this right now for a split few seconds it seemed, he was kneeling down there right next to me, beautiful..handsome...and dressed in an all white suit, long hair braided back, gorgeous smile, the brightest eyes and no glasses, a "glow" around him.
He looked right into my eyes and said "I love you" and I said "I love you" to him. I also said "Please take me with you Vin" and he said "Not yet Izz, take care of my babies", then he was gone...just like that.

Well, not a minute after, Kody, who was taking this night incredibly hard, nudged me and said "Mom...I just saw a white mist" and soon as he pointed to where, which was in front of us, on the floor, to our right next to a step to go up to the alter I saw it too. It was there and then it was gone, that fast.
I looked for anything to rule out why a white mist would be there, no fog machine, no weird lights, no anything...just a step with a green carpet and a small nativity scene a couple of feet away.
BTW, Kody is a believer too. :)

It gets better. When we got home, Kaysha was anxious to upload the pictures to the computer, she is my "orb" finder...she can spot them in a photo in an instant.
Sure enough, quite a few of the photos {taken with a new point and shoot camera, only used for the second time} were small orbs. The one or two surrounding us were almost always on Kody and Adriana.
Because I tend to take two or three pictures in a row when Kody is in them because of his eye tics {he closes his eyes in most pictures}, I would think if it were something on the lens it would have been in each picture since I take them a second apart...but they weren't.

I'll post some orb pics within the next couple of days, for now though...I have these from our night of remembrance...







Thank you everyone for being so patient, I know I have been lacking a lot on keeping up the blog.
This is a horrible month to get through, between the one year anniversary of Karl's death and trying to remain sane with the holidays...it has, I can honestly say, been real bad, probably one of the worst months ever. Last year the shock still had us numb, this year the reality has really settled in and the pain is there all day, every day.

I was sent this on facebook, I thought it was really sweet...

"Don't need an angel on top of my Christmas tree, I have one in Heaven looking down on me"

Have a beautiful day everyone. :)

Thanksgiving

Happy belated Thanksgiving everyone.
Somehow we made it though....



They say grief comes in waves, that is very true. Lately I feel like this wave is pulling me under.

On a happier note, Bear's hair is finally grown back where he had his surgeries. The scar still shows a lot though cuz he has to keep it so short for ROTC.
He still gets a lot of teasing in school...it's getting old, but he still somehow manages to keep his cool and walk away.
I do feel kinda sorry for the first person who ends up crossing that line though, this kid is a walking ticking time bomb waiting to explode.
Counseling hasn't worked, I don't know what to do. The grieving waves plus being a teenager have been crashing down on him hard too. :(



The boys spent the night at their sisters so yesterday I was actually alone. You would think I'd love it, but I really did miss the sounds of having my boys around me. It was lonely.
I did treat myself to a movie. Going alone wasn't too bad, Breaking Dawn was AWESOME!! Yup, I love the Twilight movies. :)

Today I got to go pick them up so I better get my move on.

Speaking of their sister...I have got some new to share this week!!!

Have a beautiful day everyone.

Halfway There...

The weeks about half over!!!

Boggy Creek was great, totally freakin' awesome...the boys had THE BEST time ever!! For two days they were able to relax, have fun, laugh and forget. I can't even tell you how nice it was to not have to hover over them, to not worry if they were OK, to just leave them be with their camp pal, Paul.
Fun times...lots of memories!!

Kolin, in particular really needed this get-a-way. :)



Till later, I better get going. I have one more to get up and get to school.

Love u all!!!

Inspiration...

Just trying to make it thru another day...

life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are...

~Bernice Johnson Reagon



memories are the treasures that we keep locked deep within the storehouse of our souls, to keep our hearts warm when we are lonely...

~quote by Becky Aligada.



what we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes a part of us...

~Helen Keller



Boggy Creek Camp had a cancellation for family weekend, I got the call this morning that we were #1 on the waiting list and would we like to go...Heck Yes!!
So, we are gone till Sunday.

Love you all!!

There's His Sign...

This past Sunday Kolin's team advanced into game four of the playoff's, which was at Florida Citrus Bowl Stadium in Orlando.

I know Kolin was excited but I also know he was very sad because he wants his Dad to be watching him in the worst way.
Family times were great when we'd all travel together and Karl was always so proud of him.
Well, as soon as we pulled off the 408 and into the stadium parking lot....this truck was parked right there in front of us.

There was his sign..



I wish I would have been able to photograph the smile on that boys face cuz it was priceless. :)