At night, when all is quiet...I still find a lot of comfort in knitting.

I remember a couple years ago, I'd be knitting and Vinzo would be either watching TV or playing Solitaire on the computer and I guess the clicking sound of the needles used to drive him crazy. One day he asked me if I would "please, for his sanity...switch from metal to bamboo needles"

Funny how those crazy random thoughts come to mind when I'm sitting there, imagining him next to be and wishing so bad I could hear him complain about the clicking of a knitting needle one more time.

Anyway, I've been working on a blanket for the girls room. The colors happen to match perfectly the colors of their room. :)

These are the color blocks...



The yarn I used is called Spud & Chloe Sweater. It's a really soft, organic, wool and cotton blend that is 100% washable.

Have a beautiful day everyone :)

Happy Birthday Kolin

15 years old today!! Happy Birthday to my future Marine, try not to grow up too fast, OK? Meantime let's celebrate today...I love you baby boy!! :)

"Miko"

I couldn't help myself. I went ahead and got one too...

Meet Mikala Maui {pronounced Me-Ka-La} or, as we call him, "Miko" {pronounced Me-Koh} our little boy Shih Tzu puppy.





Don't let all that extreme cuteness fool you, he is a handful. :)

Happy Birthday Adriana!!!

And it's her first day of Kindergarten today too. :)



We love you Lil' Glitter Girl!!

Happy Birthday Bear!!

Happy Birthday to my most favorite 17 year old in the whole wide world!!!

I love you Bear, forever and ever and for always too.

Karyelle is coming to pick her up Tuesday and I really, really don't want to give her back. She's become my cuddle buddy. :)

Bella

Watching Karyelle's puppy while they are on vacation is convincing me I might want one....maybe. :)

Happy Sunday Everyone :)

I won't deny it, I love it when the boys ask to take pictures. Don't get me wrong, I know it's because they want a new picture for facebook...but still, I love it. :)



Have a really wonderful day everyone, I'll be picking up Adriana and spending the weekend with her.

Pictures of our new home coming soon...promise. :)

Almost 17

He's just living the final days of being 16. Soon he'll be 17 and a Jr. in High School. I love watching him grow up, I loved it even more when he was small. I wish I could go back if even for a day to when he was small enough to hold my hand and not want to let go as we walked into his first day of Kindergarten.

Now, my boy gives me a quick kiss on the cheek, always tells me to "drive safe" and "I love you", and he's off.

Time flies....



He wants to go to college after HS, the music industry or pyrotechnics is what he loves the most. Macy's 4th of July sounds like a great goal for both him and me, I've always...always wanted to watch it in real life. :)

Kolin

This morning I dropped Kolin off at High School for his first day of "Freshman Camp". Freshman? High School?

What ever happened to my surfer hair, Buzz Lightyear loving little boy? I'm not loving this much. :)

Anyway, my two last kids in the same school...this is it for me, the last two...the last school. Going through life alone at this point is a little scary. I have got to get a grip on myself, keep my heart open or wait to be with My Vinny?

Here's some pictures of Kolin I took a couple months ago and just realized I never put any of them on here. Oops...









Your not imaging things, he is taller then Kody at 6 feet, shoes are a 12 and he's only going to be 15 this month. :)

Have a great day everyone...we're going to jump in the pool a while.

We're Home!!!

I'll put up more tomorrow...I'm real tired, but happy we are back home again. :)

A Kody Update

He was admitted and put on morphine last night which really helped the pain and made him pretty loopy...which in itself was pretty amusing :)

As it turns out he had too much fluid in his ventricles so neurosurgery came in last night and tapped his shunt, (put a needle directly through the shunt in his head) and pulled out 7 cc's of fluid to give him some relief. Then they reset his shunt to let more fluid out.

Within 30 minutes he looked so much better,

They did admit him anyway, to keep an eye on it so, that's where we stand today. We were finally in a room and done with all the questions and so on at about two this morning. He's still sleeping and I'm working on coffee.

Thank you to everyone for the prayers.

Also, thank you for the kind messages...it really means a lot to me, not to be judged or hated and looked down on. I'm still trying to find that center line of being happy and not feeling guilty and being miserable because I think I should.

Have a beautiful day everyone. :)

Kody's in the hospital again, we've been here all day. They've been running all kinds of tests, its a shunt thing but also has a lot of back pain suddenly. Right now he's in ultrasound looking for cysts. He had a cat scan and shunt series but I don't know anything yet. Life here is never boring, is it?

My Mantra

"My husband died, I didn't" Although a huge part of me died with him that day, I am almost to the point where some days I can actually believe that my dreams for happiness in the future are still very much alive. Some days I believe it...other days I want to be right back in his arms again, no matter what and who I leave behind. I have somebody in my life now who gives me hope for the future, cherishes me and loves me unconditionally. He is kind, patient and wonderful. Everything a woman could possibly want in a man. However...I can't fully come to grips with this yet. Some days I do, other days I just can't. Thankfully, he has a lot of patience and some huge shoulders to cry on. He loves me and calls me beautiful, even though I am a hot mess. Please don't hate me for this. It feels good to spend some time smiling and laughing once in a while. It's not the same as I felt with My Vinny, but it's a damn close second best. :)

Bella

Karyelle, Chaz and Madison are off for a two week vacation to see Chaz's family and look who I get... Her name is Bella and she is their first baby. :) Let the spoiling begin!! :)

Mdison

Her Daddy is a reptile breeder and educator in the school system, so this picture of Madison was a given... Here she is with her Daddy, Chaz.... And the three as a new family... Chaz reminds me so much of Karl, it's crazy. :) Thanks for stopping by, have a beautiful day everyone!!

Kody's MRI

Yesterday he had his 6 month MRI and it looked great!!! However, in one month he is going in for a back MRI, due to the clumsiness and back pain he's had for this past month. Could be muscles, since school has been out he hasn't been working out like he used to. But, to be on the safe side, if it continues....we'll just have a look see in there. He has to get to an eye Dr as well, he's been having issues with one eye and unknown to me till yesterday, shunted kids are supposed to see an eye Dr every year. Who knew? Not me. :( Kody just came back from camp this Monday, as always, he had the best time. Sadly, he's going to be 17 this month so this year was his last year as a camper. But...if all goes well, he'll be going back for LIT. {Leadership in Training} which basically means...he'll be a counselor instead of a camper from here on end. Everything and everyone is doing OK. I don't know though if I'll ever get used to taking Kody for his MRI by myself...I keep looking for my man, and he's just not there. He did though, when I was outside having a coffee at the hospital yesterday, while Kody was in the MRI send me a red bird...it flew up right there next to me and even posed while I took out my phone and snapped a picture. It was amazing...I was thinking about him, started to look for something to wipe the tears...and just like that, I knew without a doubt he was there. I never walk alone....he's there, I just can't see him.